Thursday, May 28, 2009

This is not the post I was going to write

I’ve been working on a post about late pregnancy and how it stinks, but instead of the light, amusing tone I was aiming for, it was coming out more like this: “Whine whine whine I’m uncomfortable and I HATE EVERYONE.” So I scrapped it.

But I will sum up salient points for you:

1. Many parts of me hurt because I am 37 weeks pregnant.
2. I am small for 37 weeks, but I feel enormous.
3. Even though I am small, that doesn’t mean I welcome total strangers’ comments and critiques on my physical size.
4. I will never again comment on anyone’s size ever, not even to say, “You’re so thin!”
5. What is up with total strangers asking me if I’m going to have any more kids after this one? Seriously, what is UP with that? I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU. (My standard answer is “I do not plan the next child while gestating the current one.” But now I’m thinking I might switch to, “Yes, we are going to have eleven and half.”)

So. There you go. I feel I should also mention for the sake of my friends and relatives who read this that I don’t mind when YOU tell me I’m small. It’s mostly the strangers who get to me. I think it’s because I have to be polite to them and can’t give them the litany of my complaints like I can with you. So don’t feel bad.

In other news, The Doktah sent me a surprise package last week. It turned out to be full of cute clothes that her own daughter has outgrown. I remembered that The Doktah had told me she was going to go through her stuff and pick just her favorites, and she did a great job. There’s a little flowered dress, a pair of cool embroidered jeans, and an adorable little pink track suit!


Awww. Except… wait a second. What is THAT?




What kind of sick joke IS this? A New York Yankees track suit? So I called The Doktah and demanded an explanation.

“This is why I sent you that email that you should call me before you open it!” she said. “I only put it in because I thought you could use it at Halloween. She can go as the devil!”

Well, OK then. But after Halloween, I guess I’m stuck with it forever, because I certainly can’t give it away to anyone around here. I’d be lynched.


Becca said...

Ditto on the no size comments to anyone ever again ever.

There's nothing you can say to a 37 week pregnant woman but "Why don't you sit down and let me do some laundry and make you the snack of your choice?" or "How about I take Jack to the park so you can do whatever you want to?"

Unfortunately all I can do is leave you comments. But we'll have fun if we ever do meet in person.

Joy said...

Unbelievable, perhaps people could let you finish the current pregnancy before inquiring about future ones.
Hang in there!

Swistle said...

I love the dramatic zoom-in!

So. ARE you going to have more babies?

Kristin said...

HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!! (stops to wipe tears and catch breath) HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

OK, sorry. I'm done now. It's just that the native New Yorker in me comes out sometimes. (snort)


Kristin said...

Also, now that I've picked myself up off the floor, I agree with Swistle on the dramatic zoom: excellent photo-journalism! All you really need now is to do it on some kind of stop-action thing, with the riff from "Jaws" or "Psycho" playing as you close in.

Anonymous said...

Do not worry, my baby girl, we'll counteract
that pink and gray thing with something much more wearable ALL YEAR.
Your Anonymous Mom