Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Yes, I realize there is only one practical shape for these things

On Sunday, after the race, Andrew and I were rushing around the kitchen trying to get food into our children in the brief window allotted to us before they get too tired to eat and too hungry to sleep. But I, too, was tired, so when I applied the super sharp serrated bread knife to the rock-hard homemade bread I was planning to give to Nora (She LIKES to suck on rock-hard bread! Honestly!), my shaking hands slipped and I cut my thumb instead.

“Auuggghhhh!” I said and ran into the bathroom to run cold water on it, because that is what you do for a burn. Look, I said I was tired. I was also afraid to look at it. It hadn’t started to hurt yet, but our knives are SHARP and there is a delay between the actual slicing of the finger and the pain with a super sharp knife. So there was no pain yet, but it had felt to me like I had sawed right through my nail into the nail bed, and I was scared that my nail was no longer attached to my finger.

Andrew looked at it for me, and said that I had cut my thumbnail, but not quite all the way. THANK HEAVENS. It is sliced up good, though, and I have to wear a band-aid all the time to avoid catching the nail and tearing it off the rest of the way.

I have subjected you all to this painful story to get to the part where I discovered a product called “First Aid Cots” while looking for something called “New Skin” which I did not find. (My mother tells me it is basically sterile Super Glue. So I just used Super glue.) (To glue the nail back together.) You know how when you need to put a band-aid over the top of your finger and it is essentially an exercise in futility since the band-aid is the completely wrong shape and has nothing to stick to? Well, First Aid Cots are the solution, my friend! They’re little rubber finger tips that are just the thing to hold a band-aid in place. It’s as though someone cut the fingers off a latex glove and added a little rubber ridge on the edge. They look a little silly, but it’s better than tearing off your thumbnail, am I right?

Did I say they look “silly?” They also look like… something else.

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I mean, COME ON.

7 comments:

Becca said...

Hahahahaha!!!

My mom and dad stole a bunch of those off a nurse's cart when I was born and gave them to my dad's teenage brother and told him they were condoms. Snort.

Carrie said...

Oh, too funny!

And what worked for me when I ripped my nail half off was to cut up a teabag, and use clear finger nail polish to apply that to the nail. It worked pretty well for me and held while it healed. Hope your fingernail is all better soon!

Salome Ellen said...

"Finger cots" came first. The other things have only been legal for about 50 years....

maggie said...

HAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR

Swistle said...

Ha! My favorite part is the title. Second favorite part: multiple photos to demonstrate point.

Slim said...

Just remember, those things are for the prevention of disease only.

Krizzzz said...

I couldn't decide what to comment (TOO. MANY. JOKES.) until I noticed the photo of the box. Where it notes how many items come in the box. And what sizes. I guess size does matter.