Saturday, April 17, 2010

The mutterings of an angry man

Now that Jack has discovered the joys of borrowing DVDs from the library, we watch a lot of shows that way. Well, he does. His particular favorites of the moment are The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and a Canadian television show, Mighty Machines. It’s video of actual trucks with voiceovers that are supposed to be the trucks personas. It’s pretty cute, actually. Mickey Mouse is a new favorite, but we’ve been watching Mighty Machines for several weeks now, long enough for the theme song to have become a regular in the nightly lullaby lineup.

While we’re on the subject of the Mighty Machines theme song, there’s something I’d like to note. While the song is admittedly very catchy, consider the following lyrics:

Lifting and pulling and flying so high,
Building that building right up to the sky,
You can watch them all day, and never know why,
They’re mighty machines!

Does that third line strike anyone else as lazy songwriting? We don’t know WHY we can watch them all day? Isn’t it because they are awesome? And it’s not like there aren’t many words that rhyme with “sky.” What do you think the lyricist ruled out? “You can watch them all day…. just like that old guy! While you’re waving good-bye! And then eat some pie!”

But I’m not here to criticize lyrics. I’m actually here to criticize our DVD player. You see, I usually let Jack watch a show when I’m making dinner, a time of day when I’m in a bit of a rush because of the fifty thousand things which must happen simultaneously. I therefore prefer Jack to watch live TV at this time, because our DVD player is like the person who holds up the drive-through line by carefully checking over a large order. You turn it on, and it’s all, “OK, let me just check if there’s a disc in here.” But you know there is, in fact, no disc in there, so you hit the button in an attempt to get it to just open the disc drawer already. But the DVD player is all, “Hold onnnnnn! I have to check if there’s a disc in here! I’m checking for a disc!” (The DVD player is very whiny at this point.) And then it checks and checks until FINALLY it’s all, “OK. All clear. No disc. Now. What did you want me to do?” And you’re punching the button, saying, “OPEN, dammit!” and it’s all, “OK, OK! Keep your pants on! I’m opening!” And then you put in your disc and hit “close” and try to hit “play” but it’s all, “Wait, hold on, let me just check if there’s a disc in here.”

You can imagine how this is an ordeal I would rather avoid when I’ve got raw chicken on the counter, oil heating in the pan, and a baby on the floor whining and crying for HER dinner while skooching towards the outlets. So when Jack asked for Mighty Machines the other day, I said, “Why don’t we see which Martha Speaks it is first?” and I turned it on. This is a trick that often works; once he SEES a show he likes he will change his mind. However. I usually say, “Is this OK?” and get a nod of assent before I leave the room, but this time I just took in his absorbed expression and went back to the kitchen without saying anything.

Twenty-five minutes later, I heard him stomping through the dining room muttering indignantly under his breath. The child was MUTTERING. I only caught a few words here and there, but I got the gist which was, “She said I could watch Mighty Machines and then she put on Martha Speaks and then left and she better let me watch another show because I said Mighty Machines and who does she think she is and – Mooo-oommmm! You tricked me!”

I gotta tell ya, it was pretty hard not to laugh in his face. I lamely tried to defend myself – because, let’s face it, I did trick him – but dinner wasn’t ready anyway, so I made amends by putting in Mighty Machines.

I don’t know why, but I could watch that show all day.


Swistle said...

Snorting all day! and never knowing why!

Slim said...

Is there a "you" "too" rhyme as well? Just to hit all the lazy rhymes?

I hope that in the future, you will avoid deception. Or trickery. Whatever is is you were doing.